Ok, so I haven't just written some personal entries and I have been having some tough thoughts lately... Sometimes, I just wish I could NOT focus so much on what Brayden is doing and what he isn't doing, or is he doing this? ETC. ETC. ETC. I still haven't got to the point that I don't think about Down syndrome daily...and don't get me wrong, I am not thinking NEGATIVE thoughts, just thoughts in general...watching his EVERY move to see if he is doing something off of a typical chart or not? Honestly, his birthday is next month and he is going to be ONE and I think I am having a hard time with this...
This past year has been such a blessing to so many being touched by our little guy, including ME! I am having a hard time thinking that he is going to be ONE! I really don't know why...ok...maybe a little nervous about all the ONE year assessments...we just had his PT 3 month assessment, which went VERY well...but then comes the IFSP planning and assessments...the goals we set for Brayden when he was 2 months (first starting with services) and 6 months...well, we are not going to be able to pass off on some of these goals...( I really should not be sad, but I kinda am.) Was I being way to unrealistic back then? I just really didn't think we would have any problems with the goals! We had set that he would be able to sign 4 words...he still can't sign any...but understands 2 of the signs... milk and more...I thought he would be crawling by 12 months...not even army crawling yet...getting up on his arms and pushing backwards sometimes...self-feeding by 12 months...he grasps/ pinches his cheerios and puffs with no problem, but won't bring to his mouth...ok, so I said my little gripes and I need to realize that it is OK...OK that he is not going to pass off all the goals we set...I've gotta STOP comparing him to any other child including when his siblings did things...I guess I just thought since he has been progressing so well we would be there??? There is a little bit of guilt that maybe I haven't done everything I should be doing with him...I don't know...I guess I just needed to vent on here, because I am feeling a little bit better now. (thinking I shouldn't even post this??? but I will...) Then we will have the ONE year pediatrician appointment, and I will asking for the thyroid screen...hoping that this comes back ok...we've done the ENT and OPT screens and they have come back ok...I am JUST a worrier...
I just read an entry from Libby at http://blessingsandglory.wordpress.com/ ...she is such an inspirational writer and I am so thankful that I read her post today...she stated that she hasn't compared her Charlie ever to any other child as far as milestones go, and that is so great! Makes me realize that I need to STOP being so concerned how far behind Brayden may be at this point in his life and JUST FOCUS on what he is doing NOW and has already done...I was ok for awhile, I guess all these assessments and YEAR mark coming up is just getting me all worked up? Libby shares about a milestone Charlie has mastered and it is such a cute story, so you will have to check it out on her blog. Thanks Libby for the pick-me up post! I know you didn't write that for me, but this is what I needed to hear right now.
I love my little Brayden with all my heart and I just want to do the best for him each and every day... I do want to share a couple little new things that he has started to do...he is starting to mimic a little and it is so cute...Kaylee was bouncing up and down yesterday, so he started laughing and bouncing up and down while he was sitting too...they both got a kick out of that...and tonight in the bathtub I was singing songs to Brayden and when I asked him " How big is Brayden?" Are you SOOOO big? He grabbed both my hands and flung them up above his head and smiled...we have been doing this for a couple weeks now and he is starting to do this everytime...Love it! He is really loving "Patty-cake" and "If your Happy and you Know it" too!
Well, this is just a ramble of a post and just what I needed to get out some of the worries...I am fine, really...I just get so caught up sometimes in all this and it gets overwhelming...I really wouldn't have my life any other way...I just want to always know I am DOING the best that I can for my children...I think I do much better with the posts of just some pics! LOL...
1 year ago
6 comments:
Ramble on...it's OK. It seems that this feeling is going around, but all will be OK!
Every once in a while, I might get those feelings too...but I quickly brush them aside.
See, I'm such a competitive person to begin with and having Lillian has really change my perspective, especially in the parenting area! Before Lillian I use to push my kids into "greatness", but I realized that I was so focused on them being super geniuses that I forgot to let them be kids! When Lillian came, she said...whoa, I'm gonna slow this down a bit! And I'm so happy she did!
Brayden will be fine and he will reach those milestones. And eventually us momma's have to cut the chord (trust me, I feel like it's me holding her back this time because I wasn't ready for her to grow up yet).
But I think I can honestly say, that right now, today, Lillian having Ds rarely crosses my mind! I think about her moodiness, her crazy laugh, and her loud roar she loves to do! I just think about Lillian!
OK...I think I'm rambling on now!
We are all allowed to have these days. It took Payton forever to catch on to sign, but we just kept trying. She was nowhere near signing by her first birthday. LOL. Nika, on the other hand, at 2 YOA, has picked it up so fast. Every kid is different. Payton is motor geared and Nika is congnitively geared. I bet you will notice your son going in one direction over another too. It happens a lot when they are young. Hang in there ... tomorrow will be a brighter day. :)
I think it's safe to say that we have all had these feelings. I know that I have. But, I really do just try to focus on Brennan being Brennan. Comparing him to others won't help him and won't help me, either. Just try to stay focused on him and the many things he has achieved and the joy he brings to your days. He is learning, he is growing, he is loved.
Darlena, I don't think there is any problem throwing your thoughts out. I actually really appreciate it when people do because it helps me know I am not the only one feeling different ways. I still totally think about Ds every day. Like you said, not in a negative way, just thoughts. I think there is constantly different appointments/activities we are doing there to remind us. I think this is normal, it hasn't even been a year!
I just wanted to say you are doing so well with Brayden. He is progressing SO well and is SO happy. Lately, I have tried to make my biggest goal with Gage making sure he is just as happy as can be, and I feel like you are also doing that with Brayden and it seems he is always a happy little boy! So important. I know, it has been said a million times, but in 10 years it isn't going to matter at what month they started doing things, they will get there.
Just a quick quote I heard...
We spend the first few years teaching them to walk and talk, then the rest telling them to shut up and sit down :)
Okay, here's my two cents:
First, Heavenly Father chose that sweet spirit to come to YOU. He knows your weaknesses, limitations, and hangups, but He sent him away because it would be GOOD ENOUGH. Can you do it perfectly? NO. Can you do it like others might be able to? NO. BUT YOU CAN BE YOU, AND THAT'S ENOUGH.
Second, back when Brendan was diagnosed (geez, almost 9 years ago) I went gung ho and read up on everything. Treatments, therapies, different approaches for teaching. Completely overwhelming. I thought, "How the heck am I going to be able to give him all he needs?" He was almost 2 and a handful (to say the least), I had a 3 year old and was 6 months pregnant. I only had so much to give. Eventually I realized that knowing more isn't always the best thing. Learn what you can, but spending so much time on all the information makes it become your first priority. And your first priority should be being there for your children. ALL of them.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I used to think about all of the milestones Joel was reaching and not reaching a lot during his first year. I tried not to compare him to his brother but I would and then would feel some saddness when I realized how much further behind he was.
This year I haven't been comparing him as much. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I have seen some major accomplishments (crawling, standing, cruising) or maybe I have just started to accept his pace a bit more.
Just know that Brayden will reach all of those important milestones -in his own time. When he does the sense of pride and joy you will have will be amazing!
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